planning a wedding is the most stressful, tiring, and insane thing i've ever done.

but i'm so excited, you don't even know.

i'm just tired and i can't sleep and i never stop thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong and i know that's a terrible attitude, but i have to make sure that things are *just so*...

3 and a half months and counting...

i'm happy to change my name.

the end.

and i forgot to mention:

my friends are the fucking best people in the world. we finally, finally, have some people that we spend a good amount of time with and if it weren't for my weekends with them, i'd probably only speak baby talk all day every day. plus, we eat a lot of good food.

the end.

Date:	2007-03-04 15:02
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

here's a better update.

1. i'm still working with my little kids. they're insane and wonderful and brilliant and beautiful and when i get stressed out and lose focus, they're the ones that make everything feel meaningful and worthwhile.

2. my nieces and nephews are perfect. autumn rhea is going to be ONE YEAR OLD tomorrow, which is unbelievable. she's walking and stuff. gavin is 6 months old... jada is 4 and jack is 3 and little joey is due in a month. wow. i'm the luckiest aunt in the whole world. you have no idea how much i love these little stinkers.

3. the school thing isn't happening right now, but i'm still exploring my options. i may just have to take classes online for a while, because i have a lot going on and work is busy and i have plans to travel next month and the wedding is in september and i'm just a busy little lady. so, school is kind of not my #1 priority. you know how that goes.

4. tom... ahhhh... he's just the best. this is my hard time of year, for some reason. i always feel stressed and unattractive and lame and stupid and worthless in march and he doesn't let me wallow in that at all, for which i'm so grateful. his work takes up a lot of his time and i get annoyed about that, but there's not much i can do, so i'm trying not to be as whiny as i'd like to be about the whole thing.

5. i didn't know how much planning went into a wedding, until i decided to have one of my own. thankfully, i know a lot of people who are able to help me out with things like photography and the cake... and we're not having a traditional, expensive wedding at all. i just want everyone to have fun and feel loved and happy and tipsy. i don't think that's asking too much. i also want everyone i've ever known to come to the thing, but i know that's not at all possible. if you're reading this and you don't get an invitation, please don't think that's because i don't want you there. i want everyone there. we just don't have a ton of space or money. feel free to send gifts and cash, though. :)

6. i'm at my mom's house and little gavin is crying, so i must go give him a million smooches.

love love love,
j

Date:	2007-02-23 20:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

i didn't realize how long it had been since i last wrote until just now. and i'm really not feeling up to writing a long update at the moment, so here are the basics:

1. i'm getting married! september 1st of this year... i bet you're not surprised. i'm excited and stressed and happy and in love.

2. my evil boss will no longer be my boss as of next friday, so that's a really good thing.

3. i still love my job. i love my cat. and i adore my friends and family.

the end.

Date:	2005-10-27 10:29
Subject:	bah.
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

my car is done forever, i think. and it's not the engine. something is broken that would cost a lot of money to fix and i don't have a lot of money. in fact, i have close to none. so my car is... done.

this is a sad day. she took me to south carolina and back, to erie and back numerous times, to east aurora, lockport, etc... every day last winter. and despite the fact that i have cursed that car out a million times, i didn't want it to end this way. poor ananda.

so it's a pretty good thing my new friend ariel (one of my classmates, now a co-worker), lives in lockport and can give me a ride to work today. also a good thing that i have tomorrow off. i'm not sure what i'm going to do at this point because i obviously can't afford another car and my credit is shit and i kinda need one in order to get to and from work. this is lame.

but whatev. my family and friends and my boy are all incredible. and the universe has been good to me. and everything is going to work out. and that's all there is to it.

everywhere i went last night, people were pooping. i think i have a laxative effect on my residents. i just walk into the room and they have to take a shit. one lady shat on the floor when we were getting her into bed.

and it was funny.

there is a lady on my unit (let's call her GS), and she's a quadraplegic. and she can't speak at all really. they came up with this super-intricate communication system with her and i just want to spend all of my time in her room learning about her and how to communicate with her. she's awesome - super funny and super nice. i just can't imagine what it must be like for her, to be so young (she just turned 62), so alert, and to be completely trapped inside your own body. but she remains cheerful. she jokes with us. she lets us look at her prom pictures and take cracks at her husband and she laughs so hard she pees herself. she is a hero. she might be my hero. even though she'd roll her eyes if i told her so. she is the reason i will stay with this facility for a while.

other people talk and talk all day and they don't say a damn thing. little mary wanders about in her wheelchair mumbling and cursing and what seems like nothing at all. kitty and florence bitch and bitch all night. one minute they love me and the next i'm the enemy, depending upon how fast i fill a water pitcher or get them to bed. one man is the father of a kid who went to my high school and passed away a few years ago. i love these people.

i like having a job where talking about poop all the time is the norm.

and i like feeling exhausted at the end of the day, but knowing that i made a difference in someone's life, even if it was just to feed them and talk to them during dinner. even if they didn't say anything back because they can't or won't talk. i like changing someone's sheets when she's completely wet her bed, knowing how good it must feel to be clean and dry after being soaked in urine. i like being told i'm pretty, i'm so sweet, i'm a good kid. and even being cursed out is reason to laugh. and i might not love this job every day. and there will be times that i'll want to hide and cry. and probably times that i'll feel like quitting. but right now, i love this.

sometimes i really believe that i lead a charmed life. to be so happy all the time, with my job and my love and my friends and my family. i'm truly blessed. and i thank the universe daily.

the anniversary of beth's death came and went. i thought about her all day. i miss her every day. and when i feel weak, i think of her. and her memory gives me strength.

(i love you, bethany lynn. thank you.)

1. i passed my test, motherfuckers. 3 weeks of feeling completely insane paid off. i know this is just the beginning of the insanity. but i'm ready. bring it on.

2. tonight was my first night on my unit and can i say - I LOVE IT. i think i was placed exactly where i should be. i know not all nights will be this amazing, but i'm happy tonight.

3. housesitting for the in-laws = probably the best 5 days of my life. or close to it. it's nice to be with someone for so long (not SO long, but long for one of my relationships), and still want to hump him all the time. and still want to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with him. and and and.

4. my nose is booger-y.

5. i need my own place. well, T can live with me too. but i can't do another winter in my parents' treehouse on the hill. i will have a nervous breakdown if i spend another winter in wyoming county.

6. i don't miss retail. not one bit.

1. class is fine. my test is on friday and i hope i pass.

2. we went up north last weekend. it was fabulous.

3. life is grand.

class is good.

Date:	2005-09-30 13:35
Subject:	it wears you out...
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	fake plastic trees - radiohead

today is a weird day. like most days have been lately.

i want to have coffee with a friend. but i don't have too many friends.

though i re-connected with someone so rad today.

we've been smoking blunts these days.

life is strange, no?

i woke up missing the smell of wells. the lake. the way each building has its own unique smell. i missed cleveland the most, then main. but not the main lobby. main 3rd and 4th.

weird, right?

Look at your LJ "interests" list. If you have fewer than 50 interests, pick every fifth one, and explain it. If you have between fifty and seventy-five interests, pick every seventh one. If you have over seventy-five interests, pick every tenth one. If you have fewer than ten, pick all of 'em.

1. belle and sebastian: wow. one of the best bands i've ever heard. i love every album, every song. their voices, their instruments, their lyrics. as close to perfection as it gets.

2. charlotte perkins gilman: have you read herland? holy smokes. i love her. she's a good writer. way ahead of her time.

3.dreadlocks: this one goes back to.... oh, i don't know. i just like them. the way they look and feel... and i haven't met very many mean dreaddie people. except alex. but she's not mean because of her hair. she's just stupid.

4. folk music: what's not to love? give me an acoustic guitar, lyrics that tell a story, and someone with a beautiful voice to sing them... and i'm a happy girl.

5. i-town records: local music by local artist produced by other locals. good stuff. very diverse.

6. kris delmhorst: quite possibly the best folk musician out there. her music just... gets to me in a way that nobody else's does. she's a hell of a live performer, too. beautiful.

7. music festivals: i like live music. and i like live music that goes on for days. i also enjoy camping and ganja. both of these seem to become available at festivals. also, it's always nice to play with my friends. and they like festivals too.

8. oculus: fantastic ithaca-based band. their music is like nothing i've ever heard. and they're also really nice guys.

9. poop: poop is funny. everybody poops.

10. randomsnacks: silly online forum that i've been a member of for years. i rarely post, but i like to read the drama.

11. sunny weather: oh my. i used to love these boys. i became friends with one of them a few years ago, after a one-night stand. their music was awesome. i loved their shows. and they were a lot of fun. i miss them.

12. tracy chapman: one of the most beautiful womyn on the planet. and she has the voice of an angel. and her songs make me cry and sometimes that's what you need. she's in love with me but she doesn't know it yet.

Date:	2005-09-19 11:40
Subject:	yay!
Security:	Public
Mood:	hungry

1. i got a real job. with benefits.

2. now we begin seriously looking for an apartment.

3. today is a good day, but i am hungry.

4. friday night, we had dinner with todd and his family. his children are so beautiful and well-behaved. and i honestly believe there is NOTHING better in the world than holding a sleeping, snuggly infant while someone is playing acoustic guitar and someone else is preparing an amazing vegetarian meal. it was a wonderful night and we were in great company.

5. yesterday was my baby jaxon's 2nd birthday party. he can count to 10. he is perfect *love*

6. life is good.

because my friends are brats, i did this over. are you happy now?
(i love you, loulou and leanne!)


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Date:	2005-09-12 11:25
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	indifferent

i had an interview right across the street from the library today. it was ok. i think i sucked, but maybe not. sometimes i think i talk way too much when i get nervous and that's how i felt today.

but again, at least i look hot.

tomorrow and wednesday are my annual "working on the golf course" days. not my favorite thing to do all year, but it's not horrible. i drafted tom for tomorrow. so it will be me, tom, my sister, and zippy. and my stepdad is the boss. at least it's some money!

this weekend was perfectly low-key, although i didn't feel well friday night and we left the bar early as fuck. we're lamer than my parents. saturday night, we baked chocolate chip cookies (tom's idea, for the record), and fell asleep on the couch at like 9. but whatev. we have fun in our own old-people way.

yesterday, we had a little campfire in the woods. and a little campfire in the one-hitter too. just me, tom, and my parents... a very relaxing sunday evening. followed, of course, by going to bed way early.

i'm old as hell.

i need a job, so hire me please.

and i miss all those bitches that i love.
xoxo

Date:	2005-09-08 18:51
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	disappointed

i needed to get 100% and i missed one.

thus, i was not chosen for an interview.

oh well.

we're making tacos. and my T brought home some very good beer.

xoxo

i don't know why i'm so jittery about this test. this job isn't my first choice. but i want to do well. i want to get offers.

at least i look hot. i clean up beautifully.

i've applied everywhere that isn't a retail job and has benefits. wish me luck.

i love leanne parker peck.

Date:	2005-09-08 12:48
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	high

people i will always, always have a soft spot for:
-elyse marie
-alena felice (aka princess)
-corey
-kaitlyn
-ben
-sarah-fiancee
-emily

i think that's it. but i've spoken to alena, corey, and kaitlyn in the past 2 days. much love to them and from them.

by the way, kaitlyn's visit, though brief, was wonderful.

i'm high right now.

i have to take a pre-employment test. i hope i do well. then i'll get an interview. sweet.

we're going to be married soon... despite the fact that i said i never would. i don't care how it makes me look... i think, when you're in love with someone, you should celebrate it in whatever way you want.

and i want to have a big effing party. and profess my love in front of everybody. and dance with my friends. and my niece and nephew. and laugh and laugh. and make love all night.

love.

i signed up with habitat to help with their relief effort. obviously, we won't be going for a while. but i feel like this is something i really need to do.

i really had the best weekend ever. love reaffirmed over and over. mmmm

being unemployed isn't horrible, but i don't want it to be forever. i applied to work where my manda does. i have to go there and take a test sometime soon. maybe tomorrow, i don't know. i want a job with benefits.

i want to go everywhere.

my love had to leave this morning to go back to the real world. work. ugh. it was sad... we were together virtually 24 hours a day for the last week or so of our lives. and now i'm lonely. and bored. my jokes aren't as funny when i don't have anybody else to laugh at them with me.

september feels like new beginnings to me.

love and light,
j

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
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